Show and Tell

While trying to narrow down a topic for today’s post from the multitude of tips, tricks and information I’ve been inundated with over the past several months, I decided I’d try to tackle a biggie: Showing versus Telling. Sure, there are already countless articles and posts on the web that address this fundamental area of improvement for authors of all walks of genre, but I was hard pressed to find any resources that really made it ‘click’ for me personally. So here’s my stab at it….

If you’ve lurked on blogs or websites for writers, you’ve probably heard the phrase “show, don’t tell” thrown around at some time or another. In other words, it’s better to show your reader what’s going on than to tell them. Showing them is more dramatic, more personal. It’s an easy enough concept to remember…but another thing entirely to apply it to your writing!

But why? We’re always hearing phrases like: “I’ll believe it when I see it” or “Show me what you mean.” It would stand to reason that visually describing events in our literary works would be second nature. For some reason, it simply isn’t.

Perhaps it’s because the fundamental art of storytelling is telling. In our fact-based society, we’re conditioned to communicate events in a concise, direct manner. Take the following example:

 

Mr. Boss,

Due to a momentary lapse of judgment last night, I found myself consuming copious amounts of adult beverages until the wee hours of the morning. Despite a faint sour odor of indiscernible origin, the dark, cozy bar had the perfect blend of brooding music, exotic women, and a freshly groomed pool table for us to enjoy. Thoughts of today’s early morning meeting were quickly swept aside by the sway of beautifully curved hips, straw-blonde hair tossed carelessly over a shoulder, and pouting lips which snarled ever so slightly at the corner. Begging me to stay. Demanding my submission.

After waking next to the porcelain mistress I apparently slept with last night, I realized the pounding in my head would likely not subside without additional liquor, a fistful of ibuprofen, and/or several hours of quality sleep. As such, I’ll need to excuse myself from not only the riveting meeting planned for this morning, but the remainder of the day as well.

Sincerely,

-Employee

 

Okay, so I’m tempted to squirrel that away and actually send it one day…just to see Mr. Boss’s reaction. My point, though, is that in daily life it’s so much easier and direct to say: “I don’t feel good and need to take a sick day today.” We tell.

So how do we switch gears in our writing so that we show instead of tell? Well, that’s the tricky part and something I still don’t have a comprehensive strategy for tackling. But something I do is look for verbs.

She walked…
She was scared.
He looked…

When revising your manuscript, evaluate your sentences to see if your verb usage is appropriate for the effect you’re trying to convey. Are you telling the reader what the character is doing/seeing/feeling/thinking? Is there a way you can convey the information through description or action instead?

For instance:

Fear gripped him as he hung perilously from the edge of the cliff.

Instead, try describing what’s happening to your character and allow your reader to infer the fear themselves. Generally speaking, they’re usually pretty smart, and are capable of coming to their own conclusions on things!

Hanging perilously from the steep rock face, the ground seemed to spiral out of view below him, amplifying the distance to dizzying proportions. The rush of adrenaline sharpened his senses as he looked desperately for a way to hoist himself back to the safety of the ledge above. Nothing. He knew it was only moments before his grip gave out. Only moments to come up with something. Anything!

Notice I never once said he was “afraid.” But in reading the paragraph it’s impossible not to know that the character is afraid. “Dizzying proportions,” “desperately,” “rush of adrenaline,” “only moments”—all infer ‘fear’ without actually saying it.

The downside of showing is that it often requires more words to pull off. It’s always more direct and efficient to tell…but c’mon folks, it’s boring!

Weak verbs do nothing to compliment your story and should be used rarely. These ‘vanilla’ words are overused in our language and add no flavor to your sentence whatsoever. They only serve to tell, not show.

Examples of weak/vanilla verbs are:

walked
looked
held
opened
said
sat

You can liven up vanilla verbs somewhat by adding modifiers like this:

She walked to the door with restrained urgency.

However, it’s kind of like putting a bow on an empty box: it doesn’t make it a present. It’s still an empty box.

You can add similes to your sentence to spice up vanilla verbs too:

She walked to the door like a lioness stalking her unsuspecting prey.

In my opinion, this approach only works somewhat. Your reader will ignore “walked” and use the simile as the inferred verb. Why not just replace the verb altogether and make the sentence stronger? A stronger verb will make for a stronger mental image from the simile too. Besides, do you really want readers ignoring or skipping any part of your story?

Look at how changing out the vanilla verb completely changes the meaning and feeling of even the simplest of sentences:

She skulked to the door.
She rushed to the door.
She flitted to the door.
She meandered to the door.

If you are having a problem coming up with a strong verb to replace a weaker one, look up the weak verb in a Thesaurus. Usually you can click around and find the perfect replacement!

So, how do you know when to show and when to tell? Primarily, this is left to personal preference. However, there are some general rules that got me started:

TELL:

• Back story
• Settings or landscape descriptions
• Mundane events that are informational only and aren’t meant to elicit an emotional response from the reader

SHOW:

• Any scene in your story
• Character interaction
• Action sequences
• Any event that you want the reader to be emotionally attached to

It’s probably important to also note that “show, don’t tell” isn’t 100% accurate. As you can see from the above list, you need a certain amount of telling in your story. Too much of anything will stand out to the reader and distract from the fantasy world you’re creating. It’s all about striking the proper balance.

Manuscripts as Drafts

First thing’s first: Happy New Year!

I know it’s been a while since posting an entry. I wish I could say that it was because I was engaged in heated negotiations with an agent or publisher, traveling the country making appearances at book signings, or prancing through the mall blowing a hefty royalty check faster than a skinny kid can be kicked off The Biggest Loser. Alas, I fear the reason behind my absence from this blog is far less interesting: life.

It’s been a busy, busy couple of months in the Allen household! Three of our four children have birthdays in December—all within a few days of each other! (It was several years before Mr. Allen finally figured out that he needed to actually buy a gift for Mrs. Allen on her birthday, which oddly enough is nine month before December.)

Then, of course, there are the holidays. Wonderful, joyous times of the year for the young and old, filled with magic, gifts, and wonder. Nothing warms your heart like watching a child open gifts on Christmas morning—even the ones who should have gotten the mythical lump of coal instead of a shiny red box with a bow. No, honey, it wasn’t an iPod…but a box of books is so much more suited to the level of effort you’ve put into the past year, wouldn’t you say?

Anyway, enough of the mundane holiday recap. Let’s dive into the wonderful world of writing!

During my holiday break from official blogging responsibilities, I was struck with a revelation. It’s something that seasoned writers know all too well—something that even this “newbie” knew on some level. Ready?

Manuscripts are drafts.

That statement is both simple and incredibly complex, depending on context. Sure, we revise. We edit. So, of course it’s a draft! But if you limit your scope to merely changing a few words around, you’re missing out on the opportunity to completely remake your project for the better.

What if your novel was written in third-person past tense and you realize it really should be told first-person? Maybe the first couple chapters are mundane back story that really doesn’t engage the reader or move the plot forward? Perhaps an important point of view character simply isn’t interesting enough, or doesn’t really deserve the same spotlight as your protagonist?

Many new writers—myself included—clutch our finished manuscripts so tightly that our knuckles turn white. If I’d have been approached four months ago and told that I needed to cut the first two chapters and rewrite chapter eight from the point of view of a secondary character, my eyes would have probably glazed over as I disappeared into my Happy Place.

The startling realization that manuscripts weren’t written in stone was thrust upon me (much against my will, I might add) as I struggled to find a way to cut 50,000 words from The Veil so I could submit it to a publisher with a very strict 100,000 word cap on submissions. If you’re like me, you’re already doing the math: that’s a third of my manuscript!

The funny thing is: seasoned authors from all walks of genre do this regularly. Some will actually throw away the first—and sometimes second—drafts before actually sitting down to do revisions. For them, it’s simply part of the creative process.

Nothing can prepare you for the inevitable panic attack resulting from wiping out entire chapters from your novel. Absolutely nothing. (Pro tip: make a back up first…it does help a little!) But the results are well worth the stress.

So far, the new manuscript is shaping up to be much tighter and more intense than the first time through. Knowing that the original iteration of the story was far too long is allowing me to moderate the level of detail and back story better. Plus this time around I know my characters even better than before and can add more personality and emotion.

Think of it like this: the first draft was practice…and we’ve all heard that practice makes perfect. Besides, who knows? With enough revision, next year’s box of books for the under-achieving child at Christmas could contain your novel!

The New Assistant Editor: YOU!

One of the biggest challenges for new authors is getting that first book deal.  We cast our queries out into vast waters teeming with agents and editors hoping to get a bite…heck, even a nibble would do for most of us!

The problem is:  the agents and editors we submit to are already overwhelmed with hundreds—if not thousands of submissions.  This mountainous pile of proposals is what has become known as “the slush pile”.  Of course, the general idea (and every author’s hope) is that truly great writing and storylines will stand apart from the rest and shine like a diamond in a coal mine.

However, I intend to not be self-serving in this post.  Instead, let’s look at things from the agent or editor’s perspective, hmmm?

The publishing industry is in trouble.  No bones about it.  The costs of creating and distributing paper goods continues to increase, while demand for said-goods in our economically-depressed climate continues to drop.  Add to that the fact that the major book chains are promised full refunds of any materials they can’t sell, and one has to wonder how this business model ever worked at all!

Thanks to the accessibility of computers and online research tools in the last decade, book submissions have sky rocketed despite the decline of internal resources as publishing houses are forced to cut costs to stay in business.  As a result, there simply aren’t enough people to shovel through the slush.

[Enter stage right]   Authonomy (http://www.authonomy.com/), a Harper Collins project which I find extremely cool and exciting!

See, most of the publishing houses seem to by shying away from emerging technology—or change in general.  But HC is instead embracing the power of the World Wide Web and using it to help them discover fresh new talent.

Here’s how it works:  An author uploads his/her book to their website and allows people to read it online—for free.  Other authors or potential fans can then comment on it, make suggestions, or add it to a virtual “bookshelf”, which means it’s one of their favorites.

Scratching your head because you don’t get it?  …don’t worry, I was too—at first!

Step back a moment and look at the information Harper Collins has at their disposal with this tool:  they can know at any time what the most popular titles are on the website and see comments from prospective customers.  If they’re interested in an editor looking at the book, it’s already there for them to review, in its entirety.  On their website, they very clearly state that the top authors/titles will be reviewed by an editor at Harper Collins each month!

Essentially, what they’ve done is moved the slush pile online and hired (so to speak) other authors and various visitors and fans to be their assistant editors!  BRILLIANT!

I’m not 100% sure about posting my entire novel online where anyone can copy or plagiarize it.  Plus, it seems like it might be a bit hard to manage long-term—although their FAQ page states that the site is still in BETA, so they might address these concerns by the time it releases.

Nonetheless, I can’t help but feel certain warm-fuzzy feeling for Harper Collins!  In my opinion, this new initiative is absolutely genius and demonstrates the kind of creative mindset needed in order for publishing to survive.  It’s important for any business to embrace changing technology and not shy away from it or risk become stale and out-dated.

 

If you haven’t checked out Authonomy yet, I please log on and let me know your thoughts.  Do you think it’ll work?  If you’re an author, would you post your complete book there for the world to see for free?  Do you have any intellectual property concerns in doing so?

Creating Interesting Characters

How well do you know the characters in your story?

It sounds like a simple question—perhaps even a bit lame.  I mean, you are the author after all!  They can be whatever—or whoever—you want them to be, right?

Wrong.

Your characters need to be consistent throughout your project.  The person you start them out as needs to be the same person they end up as—minus the personal journeys and transformations that take place during throughout the course of the story.

Have you ever been writing a particular scene only to realize that you don’t really know how your character would react in the situation you created?  Or maybe your protagonist is walking through a crowded subway and you can’t seem to get him to do more than get from point “A” to “B”.  His actions don’t seem real or interesting in the slightest.  Perhaps you find yourself searching your manuscript for the model car they drive or the name of his ex-girlfriend from college.

Vagueness in your characters isn’t just something you notice—your reader will see it too!  As a result, they’ll appear less real to the reader and their connection to them and the situations they’re in will suffer.

So how do you combat this?

Personally, before I start on a new project, I complete a full biography of all major characters in the plot.  I use the bio page to remind me of characteristics about the character that I might have otherwise forgotten.  In addition to text, I also include a picture of what I envision the character to look like.  That way I can be sure my descriptions about their appearance are consistent throughout the work.

Below is an actual biography I use for one of my main characters in “The Veil”.

 

 

Special Agent Dana Cooper

35 years old
5’ 7” / 135 lbs
Caucasian and Latino
Brown eyes, brown hair-slightly wavy
Chestnut complexion reflecting Latino heritage
Mature, tough, wise
Power: Remote Viewing (evolves to include past events)
Joined FBI 8 years ago

“Coops”, as her coworkers call her, was raised by her adoptive father, James (Jimmy), who was a Jersey cop. He rescued her from drug-bust that killed her parents when she was only three. She immediately bonded with him, and the courts agreed that it would be in her best interests if he raised her. He raised her happy and healthy—but also to be a survivor.

Now full-grown, Coops is a Special Agent with the FBI and is known as shrewd and tough. She’s beautiful, but doesn’t spend a lot of time on her looks: little make-up, hair pulled back in a pony-tail, dress slacks and a plain button-down shirt or sport coat.

Coops has seen a lot of things, but nothing can prepare her for the things she’ll experience after meeting Robert and Julia. Troy finds her super-hot, but Coop wants nothing to do with him.

She doesn’t believe in the supernatural and will take some convincing if Robert and Julia want her help.

Journeys:

• Coop is on an on-going journey of self-discovery into her womanhood. She missed out on a lot because of only being raised by her father, but she’s aware of the woman deep in her and longs to be feminine and delicate.
• (Possible Journey) She could have some dormant abilities like Robert and Julia that have unknowingly helped her in her career in law-enforcement.

Partner: Paul Stanfield – partners for 2 years
Boss: Deputy Director Shawn Crawford

 

As you can see by the above example, I describe any pertinent visual cues that distinguish her from other characters in the story—including age, weight and height.  Obviously I’ll probably never refer to her exact weight in the finished work, but knowing detailed information about her like that can help make descriptions of her consistent throughout the story.

The visual cues are aided by the image of the character pasted into the bio.  You can find a picture of anyone on the web and use it…it’s only for your own personal reference (due to copyright issues, the picture of “Coops” is not included in this post.)

I also include a complete background of the character including dates (if appropriate), spans of time, important people to that character such as parents, siblings, partners, children, etc.  Other things to consider detailing include:

• What kind of car they drive, and what it looks like
• Where they work, what they do there, how long they’ve worked there, etc.
• Where they live
• Bars or clubs they like to hang out at

Basically, my bio sheet is a virtual repository of story-related facts and details that I can refer back to at any time.  Having specific details available at a moment’s notice will save you countless hours searching your manuscript!

Lastly, ever character has a “Journeys” section.  This is where I put a bulleted list of life-changing events that I want them to accomplish during the course of the story.  Lesser characters may have only one or two journey items, while primary characters will often have as many as four or five! 

It’s important that all your main characters grow and evolve throughout your story.  If they remain stationary, they’ll grow stale and uninteresting to your reader.  Readers relate to their personal struggles and inner demons and they’ll be much more likely to relate to them on a personal level, making the experience of reading your novel that much more enjoyable.

Spending the time to create character bios can actually help to shape your plot.  You may find that the story almost writes itself when you turn your fully-flushed out characters loose in a given scene or situation!  At the very least, knowing them in detail will help you create continuity that you simply can’t get otherwise.

 

How do you create your characters?  Is there a technique you use that you’d like to share?  Post your approach in the comments section!

Writing Yourself Into Corners

We’ve all heard that old idiom: “paint oneself into a corner.”  The image conjured is of a person painting the floor and realizing that there’s no way to exit the room without stepping in paint.  Essentially, you’re backed into a corner (interestingly enough, another popular idiom), unable to escape.

Granted, no one paints the floor these days.  We use carpet, tile, or linoleum—all of which are perfectly fine to walk on immediately after laying.  But bear with me here, the general concept is still relevant.

…particularly to us writers!

For us, it means creating plotlines and circumstances that our heroes/heroines cannot possibly overcome in a realistic or believable manner.

If you’re one of the diligent that creates a complete and thorough outline before typing the words “once upon a time”, you may not have ever run into this.  In which case, please allow me to extend my most heartfelt congratulations—and sympathies.

Without a doubt, trial and error is what makes us grow as writers and artists.  If you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to stray from your plot somewhat, you may be missing out on a really great tangent or angle you’d otherwise never explore.

Readers rely on us to provide the unexpected in our stories.  Where some might send little Johnny to the candy store to buy a 0.05 candy bar, the writer would send little Johnny on crutches into a candy store run by four cannibalistic brothers in the dead of night in the middle of a power outage.  Yes, we’re twisted at times.

But that’s what makes truly brilliant pieces stand out.  The experimentation with our characters, putting them in unusual circumstances and settings, can really make projects ‘pop’!

The down side of that is that we can often find ourselves written into a corner--a place where “little Johnny” couldn’t possible escape without super powers, an act of God, or the like.  For Fantasy and Science Fiction writers, this could actually work (though, it still needs to be believable in the context of the universe you’ve created for your reader.) 

For the rest of us, not so much.  We find ourselves throwing away countless hours of writing while we try and “unpaint” the story to a point where we can manage the outcome a bit better.

I found myself in one of those “oh crap” moments while writing “The Veil”.  I was completely enthralled in the big battle at the end and just allowed the writing to take form on its own.  As the confrontation progressed, I could taste the tension, the sense of urgency, the helplessness—and the writing reflected it beautifully!  To this day, I go back and reread that chapter, and the words literally jump off the page and paint the scene with such detail and emotion!

But then I realized that in all my excitement at throwing everything I had at my hero, I’d gotten him into a situation where he couldn’t possibly hope to survive.  With disappointment, my finger poised over the Delete key, mind racing wildly to come up with some way—any way to keep the pages I’d just churned out.

Luckily, there was a way out for my character that I hadn’t seen—one that actually helped tie up a loose end from earlier in the book.  So, it actually worked out beautifully…that time.

I learned a lot from the experimentation with that scene.  The spontaneity of it elicited an emotional response in me that helped strengthen the writing in a way that wasn’t present in chapters that rigidly stuck to the outline.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this:  outlines are great for keeping the general structure of your work straight, but a little spontaneity now and then might just give your project the fresh point of view you’ve been looking for and take you in directions you’d never dreamed.

 

What are your thoughts?  Have you ever written yourself into a corner?  How’d you get out of it?  What do you do to try and keep yourself out of that situation?  …or do you worry about it at all?

Chime in with your comments!